the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My life is pants optional.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
