i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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