thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
