So drunk its hurt
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize