dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
