Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
