im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
