so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
