at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize