I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
