im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
