you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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