I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
