I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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