i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
