Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
