im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
