I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
