just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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