What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
