2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize