oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize