If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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