that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize