Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
