Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
