I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
