If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
