I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
