there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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