If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
