I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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