this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
