I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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