my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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