so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
