A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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