Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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