i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
