good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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