Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize