is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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