East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
