shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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