If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize