I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
