At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
