Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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