Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
