Farmville is her only friend.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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