three words: i give head
three words: not that well
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
