Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
