whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
