i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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