and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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