That's intense
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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