i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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