Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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