she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
