theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
