dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
