Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
