i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
