The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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