I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
