You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
