fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
