Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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