I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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