Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
