i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
