I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
