my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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